


The Cost of Escape

by spacedaydreamer



Series: safe end!junpei au [5]
Category: Zero Escape (Video Games), Zero Escape: Zero Time Dilemma - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Gen, Nobody is ok, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Suicidal Thoughts, description of injury, it's first come; first saved, safe end!junpei au, safe end!ztd au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 20:35:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9288602
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacedaydreamer/pseuds/spacedaydreamer
Summary: When Junpei woke up in the shower room, the first thing he remembered was an intense pain, the likes of which he'd never experienced before. He didn't know why they were trapped in there, but it couldn't be a good thing...





	1. Kill or be Killed

Screaming. There was so much screaming, and everything hurt. He could feel his body being washed away, burnt from his very bones as the acid hit him. His throat was raw from the screams and the fumes, but he couldn’t stop screaming- he could hear the others screaming too, but soon there’d be nothing left of any of them.

‘ _Why didn’t he push the button…’_

That thought was the only thing in Junpei’s mind as he shot upright, awakening in a cold sweat. Button- what did it mean? There were vague memories of an intense pain, but he had no idea why or what it had come from, or even where they were.

“Ugh… where are we?”

Well, that was a well timed question from Carlos.

“I think this is one of those decontamination rooms. Looks like we’re locked in here.”

Aoi was answering him, but it had helped Junpei out as well. Once the last fog of sleep had cleared from his mind he’d realized that yes, they were in one of the shower rooms- why did that feel familiar to him?

He got up to test the doors, but much to his disappointment there was nothing to be found.

“So, why do you think it’s called a decontamination room, anyways?”

Aoi looked at Carlos like it was the most obvious thing in the world, but Carlos seemed to ignore it. That, or he actually didn’t notice the look, which would be fairly impressive.

“You’re supposed to come here to clean off after going outside. It’s for if there was a nuclear war- this is a bomb shelter, after all.”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense…”

They were all silent for a moment, before Carlos decided to check the time on his watch. There was the telltale beep of the watch activating, and then Carlos read out what it said on the screen.

“18:10…”

“The vote was at 13:30, so… looks like we were out for about four and a half hours.”

Junpei folded his arms, not too happy with that thought.

“Damn… who knows what could’ve happened during that time?”

None of them really knew what to say to that, so the room returned to silence. They continued to search the room, but there were no clues or puzzles- in the end, all they could do was sit in a half circle by one of the walls in the room, staring at the ceiling and each other.

“Look, Junpei… I know now’s maybe not the best time, but I need to ask you something.”

He was actually surprised that it was Aoi who’d started talking to him. What, did he finally want to talk about last year? A little late for that, Junpei thought.

“About the vote at 13:30… you told Carlos to vote for Q team.”

“Yeah? What about it?”

“What about- what the _fuck_ , man? How could you be so awful? You never would’ve suggested anything like that a year ago.”

Junpei gave a short barking laugh, looking at Aoi with his driest stare.

“Oh, like you’re one to talk. Do you _really_ think you can pull moral superiority on me, Aoi?”

“Junpei… the hell happened to you?”

He’d expected anger, more arguing- those were reactions Junpei could deal with. It was easy to shrug off anger, but disappointment? That was much, much harder to deal with. He couldn’t look Aoi in the eye, not when he was looking at Junpei like that.

“You know, I’d like to know more about you too, Junpei.”

Carlos had interjected, in his best effort to calm the mood. Junpei was grateful for the distraction, as it let him look away from those eyes- why did they hurt him so much?

“What’s that, Carlos? Does that mean you’re interested in me…?”

He was being a dick and he knew it, but Carlos just shrugged off the teasing. Whether he was used to it or it just didn’t bother him, Junpei didn’t know for sure.

“Nah, my focus is on my little sister. I’ve got no time for a love life.”

“Oh, so our Hero of Justice has a sister complex…”

“ _Junpei!_ Carlos is actually worried about you, stop being an asshole!”

Shit, maybe he’d touched a nerve there… he should have known better than to joke about something like that with Aoi here. Sisters were a bit of a touchy subject, considering what had happened to Akane… nine years of effort, and it had ended in one gigantic failure.

“Well, it’s more I want to know about you both, really. Junpei, weren’t you and Aoi’s sister friends as kids, and then you escaped from a situation just like this last year? So, why…”

“Why the animosity, right?” Junpei should have expected the question sooner or later, really. It was a logical thing to ask about, anyone in Carlos’s situation would have been dying to know. He sighed and rested his arms on his knees- this was going to be a long one.

“That’s exactly the reason. Because of that game, I’ve seen so many people die. Horrible, cruel deaths I never wanted to see. I’ve seen them too many times to count, by now… Honestly, I’ve probably just gone numb.” Even when he closed his eyes, the memories were still there. Sometimes he could feel himself slipping, and he felt like he was trapped in building Q again; standing over all of the bodies as the scent of blood threatened to choke him “After the game, I ended up moving in with Lotus. A couple days later I quit school and joined a detective firm.”

“Oh… what made you want to do that?”

Carlos’s voice was soft, as if he didn’t really know if he wanted to know the answer. Well, he’d asked the question, so whether or not he liked the answer he was getting it.

“That boy right there.” He pointed at Aoi but didn’t dare risk looking at him- he didn’t want to see those disappointed eyes anymore. “He straight up disappeared, so I joined a firm to look for him. It’s small, but known to work among the underground- I got working right away.”

His hand fell limp, and he put it in his pocket. He could feel the small box he’d tucked away, and he ran his fingers over the edges- he needed something to ground himself if he was going to keep talking, and that was the best he had.

“I’ve gone undercover in places trafficking organs like they were trading cookies. I’ve snuck into facilities where even just breathing wrong could get me found out and shot dead on the spot.” And he had been shot. So many times. “I’ve seen coworkers get pushed from buildings, die of poisoning, and god knows what else. Every job I’ve taken has been dangerous, and dirty. I don’t think there’s been a single one where I didn’t see someone die.”

Or a single one where he hadn’t had to take someone’s life- even if it was self-defense, it didn’t change the way it crushed him from the inside.

“I guess along the way, it just hit me. Humans… really aren’t as beautiful as I thought. I’d only been skimming the surface all this time.” He dug his finger into a corner of the box, careful not to wince from pain. He was still here, he was still grounded. Things were okay, he could keep talking. “Every day when I got back from work, I’d lock myself in the shower with a bottle of scotch before anyone could find me, and I’d drink myself to sleep. It was the only way I could get the scent of blood off me, but even that doesn’t stop it- it’s always going to be there. It’s there right now.”

He’d never be free from it, he knew. He’d known since the end of the Nonary game that he’d never be clean again, as long as he lived.

“But last month… I finally got something. I got intel that Aoi was joining the experiment, so I threatened the people running it and forced my way in.”

“So that’s why you joined the experiment…”

There was a sad, distant look on Carlos’s face- he seemed worried. Junpei could appreciate the sentiment, but he didn’t really feel anything either way about it. He knew his life was a joke, so one person feeling sorry for him wouldn’t change much.

They’d all gone quiet- Junpei had nothing more to share, and it was clear neither Aoi nor Carlos wanted to say anything. They sat like that for a while, until Junpei eventually decided it was his job to break the silence again.

“So, how’re things over at your organization, Aoi?”

“Huh?”

“Well, you’ve gotta be pretty busy, right?”

Junpei could hear Aoi’s sigh, and he was clearly reluctant to answer as he shifted the topic over to Junpei instead.

“It’s fine. You said you’d moved in with Lotus, right? Is it just the two of you?”

“No, Nona and Ennea are there too. And Seven comes around from time to time- I’ve worked with him a couple of times, we even took down one of Free the Soul’s bases.”

“ _What?”_

“Uh, who’s that?”

“Oh, they’re some freaky religious cult. They’re a terrorist group who never stop trying to create their ‘new world’- Seven’s been on their trail for ages, and it just happened that one of my jobs overlapped.”

“They were behind that huge kidnapping case ten years ago…”

Aoi’s voice trailed off- it seemed he _really_ didn’t want to talk much about the details (not that Junpei could blame him).

“Yeah, and the game last year was related to it.”

“I’ve been tracking Free the Soul myself, but I had no idea you guys were after them too…”

“I told you, it was really mostly Seven. However… I do think we went too far. I’m pretty sure we seriously pissed off their boss- a guy they call ‘Brother’. Hell, they’re the ones who gave me this.”

He gestured to the bandage on his arm, proof of his most recent encounter with the group.

“Wait- so you’re saying that this ‘Zero’ and this ‘Brother’ might have something in common?”

“Eh, it’s just a possibility. What do you think, Aoi?”

He didn’t need to look at the boy to feel the glare directed at him, full of anger.

“I already _told_ you, I’m not connected to this! I know as much as you do, Junpei.”

That was what caused Junpei to finally look at Aoi again, careful to stare at a spot on his forehead and avoid looking in his eyes.

“Really, Aoi? Then why’d you sign up for Dcom. You can’t tell me it was _really_ just coincidence, we both know you had a damn good reason-“

“Stop it, Junpei. From what I can tell, Aoi’s a victim here.”

“I’m trying to change the future.”

Carlos and Junpei both looked at Aoi, who’d stood up and shoved his hands in his pockets. He wasn’t looking at them- Junpei wasn’t sure if he was actually looking at anything, or was just staring off into something distant that neither of them could see, just like he’d done during the Nonary game.

“Free the Soul is trying to implement a terrifying plan- if nothing changes, then six billion people _will_ die. I came here to try to stop it- to prevent the future she saw.”

“She- you mean…”

“Akane told me that no matter what, we had to ensure that the AB project cannot fail. The entire human race hangs in the balance, I didn’t have a choice.”

“Then… why didn’t she come here, Aoi?”

Junpei winced as Carlos spoke, but Aoi’s response was steady.

“She’s dead. She died…. Last year.”

Carlos’s face was immediately filled with regret for having asked, but Aoi didn’t seem to mind much. It was something that was going to be brought up sooner or later, whether any of them liked it or not. Unpleasantness was just a part of their fate, it seemed.

“A little late perhaps, but I will now announce the voting results.”

All three of them looked up to the ceiling, awkward thoughts abandoned as they listened to Zero with great anxiety.

“All three groups have voted for different teams. Therefore, none have been executed. The current death count: zero.”

Carlos breathed a sigh of relief, and Junpei could see his shoulders relax. It seemed like he’d been quite worried about this, not that Junpei could blame him. However, Zero continued on, as if to mock them for daring to relax for even a second.

“I can’t say this is an ideal situation for any of us involved. It appears that none of you fully grasp the essence of this game. Think back on the rules you were told… you will remain in this shelter for eternity until six people are killed. I will give you one last chance, a single action from you may result in your escape from the depths. What must you do? It’s simple, I shall show you.”

Zero’s voice made Junpei’s skin crawl- if felt patronizing, as if Zero was laughing at them. Even thought he knew this was a recording, he figured Zero probably _was_ laughing at them, whoever he was.

“The other two teams are listening to a message just like this one in their ward’s decontamination room. The construction of all of them are the same- A yellow button exists on the wall in each. Pressing it activates the showers in the other wards, and they will rain down a solution of hydrogen fluoride.”

“H-Hydrogen fluoride?”

Aoi’s face was paler than usual, and he stared at the showerheads in fear. Seeing him look like that… Junpei felt his heart twist in his chest. He couldn’t let Aoi die, not in a way as horrible as that. Vague memories threatened to force their way to the surface and he could feel his skin twinge with pain- no, he _absolutely_ couldn’t let Aoi die like that.

“It’s not only acidic enough to melt a body, but it even dissolves glass and iron. Explaining what would happen if you were under it seems… unnecessary. That button on the wall is your way to freedom- using it will kill the other teams, and you will gain the needed X-passes to escape.”

Carlos had gone pale, as though the mere thought of having to take someone’s life was enough to send him into a panic attack. Perhaps Junpei could have sympathized if they’d met last year, but it was far too late for him now.

“I have one final thing to tell you- the early bird gets the worm. After the first team pushes it, the button will become inactive for both of the other teams. Your time limit is three minutes. What will you do? Will you press it? Or refuse? It is ultimately all up to you to decide.”

And then the speakers cut out, leaving the three of them in a moment of stunned silence. Realizing none of the others had moved yet, Junpei took the opportunity and jumped forwards- he _had_ to reach that button. If he didn’t press it, they _would_ die. There was no doubt in his mind, he’d already seen it happen once.

“Junpei, what the hell are you doing?!”

Aoi had reacted, and Junpei had forgotten how fast the other boy was. He’d managed to get in front of Junpei and had thrown his arms out, trying to block him. His glare looked as if it could melt right through Junpei faster than any acid, but Junpei ignored it- he was doing this for Aoi. He didn’t have to understand or forgive him, but he _had_ to let Junpei do this.

“I’m trying to _save_ our asses- this is _kill or be killed,_ Aoi. If we don’t hit that button, we’re fucking **_dead_**.”

Aoi had tried to grab onto Junpei, stopping his advance, but Junpei wasn’t going to be stopped. Using all his strength he threw Aoi to the side, trying to ignore the grunts of pain from him as he hit the floor. He knew Aoi would never forgive him- hell, he wouldn’t forgive himself. But he _needed_ to save him.

He was getting closer, closer- but now Carlos had snaked his arms around Junpei’s chest, restraining him.

“Junpei, stop! Think about this! If nobody pushes it, then it’s gotta be like back at the vote-“

“Think about it? Clearly, I’m the _only one_ thinking about this properly! While we’re arguing, the other teams have already pushed the button- the longer we wait, the closer _we_ are to getting the flesh melted off our fucking bones. _If we don’t push it then we’re going to die_.”

With a grunt of effort, he felt himself being thrown across the room, much like he’d thrown Aoi. He landed hard on his hip- even if he thought he could overtake Carlos in speed normally, there was no way he’d be able to move fast enough with it hurting like this. Dammit, he’d just need to convince Carlos- play to his emotions. He knew it was horrible, that he was manipulating Carlos in a way that could never be forgiven, but he didn’t have a choice.

“Carlos, think about it! Are you really okay with dying here? With getting melted into a puddle of goo, and just leaving your sister behind? She’ll never even know how you died! _Nobody will!_ Are you really alright with that? Do you really just want to disappear forever, and leave her with nothing?”

“Junpei, shut the fuck up! Don’t press that fucking button, Carlos!”

 _“Press it, Carlos!_ It’s us or them, and I can _**promise** _ you that they _won’t_ hesitate to kill us!”

Carlos’s hand was in front of the button, and he was visibly shaking. It was clear to tell that the pressure was getting to him- who wouldn’t be affected, in a situation like this? The only possible way it wouldn’t mess with someone would be if you were emotionally numb, like Junpei was.

“Carlos… no…”

That was all Aoi could say when Carlos pushed the button. Carlos himself looked like he was utterly speechless- his face was drawn and pale, and he was visibly shaking.

“Wh-what…? Why did I...”

He was staring at his hand in disbelief, unable to comprehend what was going on. Junpei figured that must be natural; making a decision like that _couldn’t_ have been easy. Carlos was a firefighter, it was his job to _save_ lives. But because of Junpei… one motion, and Carlos had killed six people. He forced himself to his feet, trying to ignore the pain in his hip as he walked over to the other.

“Carlos… you made the right choice. I know it had to be unbelievably hard for you, but you did the right thing. You shouldn’t beat yourself up for this, you did it to save us.”

The only one who deserved the blame for this was Junpei. Him, and no one else.

“N-no, that’s not… that’s not it. I didn’t want to press the button, but my hand- it just moved on its own…”

Carlos was watching his own hand in fear, as though he was scared it was going to attack himself. Junpei didn’t really believe him- it was probably just a defense mechanism. His brain couldn’t comprehend what he’d done, so he’d convinced himself it was something else, like _‘the devil made me do it’_. Junpei wouldn’t take that away from him- whatever Carlos needed to avoid the guilt, Junpei would allow him. After all, it was thanks to Carlos that they weren’t currently in the same situation as his dream. It looked like Aoi didn’t share the same sentiment, though. He looked positively livid, standing in front of the taller man.

“Don’t think you can just ignore that happened, Carlos. _You_ pushed that button. It doesn’t matter if it was stress, or you’d just always had that urge- it was _you_ , Carlos. Only you.”

“Aoi, stop it.”

“Shut up, Junpei. This is your fault too; I’m just making sure Carlos knows he can’t deflect the blame. You can’t just push your bad judgement calls onto the excuse of someone ‘controlling’ you- it was _your fault_.”

“S-stop… please…”

Carlos had hugged his chest, and his fingernails were digging into his arms hard enough to draw blood. _Dammit_ Aoi, why were you blaming Carlos when this was all Junpei’s fault… why was he doing this? He’d let so many people die before, but _now_ he had a conscience about everything…

“You made a wise decision. You sacrificed the lives of others in order to continue your own survival.”

“ _Zero…_ ”

Junpei had never heard so much hate in Carlos’s voice before, but he could hardly blame him. The only other person that could be held responsible for this was Zero- after all, he’d trapped them all in the game in the first place.

“It truly is a natural human reaction. You simply made an emergency evacuation- the action is legally justifiable. There is no blame to be placed on you for your decision. Now, I’m sure you would like to get out of here immediately, but before that… I apologize, but you must all sleep again.”

Junpei checked his watch while Carlos and Aoi looked up in confusion, sighing when he read out the numbers on the face.

“It’s 19:29- time for all good kids to be in bed, or some crap like that.”

“You have done exactly as I commanded. The memory loss drug will not be injected into the three of you. It would be… inconvenient if you forgot you caused the deaths of others… pleasant dreams.”

“I-I… I killed all of them…”

Junpei wanted to tell Carlos that no, it was _his_ fault, _he_ was the one to blame, but there was no time. He had already felt the needles poke into his wrist, and his mouth felt heavy. He collapsed to the ground without any resistance, only guilt remaining inside his chest.


	2. Payoff

When they next woke up, they were in the lounge. They’d all gotten up and stood in front of the X door without saying anything- what could they say, that hadn’t already been said? By this point all Junpei wanted was to get out of here, to leave and forget about this nightmare and hope that Aoi and Carlos did the same.

“Now announcing… the current casualties.”

They didn’t need to hear the voice to know what they were, but they listened anyways.

“Q-team: Q, Mira, Eric. D-team: Diana, Phi, Sigma. These six are now deceased. As a result… six X passes… will be revealed. SELF…RIP…LAKE…BIRD…TWIN…OLD… That is all.”

The announcer’s voice went silent, and there was nothing left for them. They had only their thoughts, but that may not have been much better. Carlos was staring off into nothing once more, a hollow look on his face.

“That’s right, I… I killed…”

He couldn’t bring himself to finish the statement, and the three of them (as well as Gab, who had shown up when they’d woken up) walked over to the board displaying the X passes. Sure enough, the names and passes were displayed. It was so impersonal, just their names and the fact that they were dead… Junpei hated it.

“That was… fast. We just need to put these passwords in now.”

“But to get them, both of the other teams…”

Junpei wanted to hit Aoi for bringing it up again- why wouldn’t he leave Carlos alone? _This was Junpei’s fault, and Junpei’s fault alone_. If he hadn’t pressed Carlos, if he hadn’t brought up his sister and what would happen, then Carlos would have _never_ pressed that button. He sounded like he was in pain- judging from how white the knuckles of his fists were, he probably was.

“Carlos, it’s not your fault. You made the right choice.”

“… I’ve been busting my ass for the past ten years… I wanted to save as many lives as I could… I worked _hard_ to do that… and now, this?”

Neither of them could answer him. How could they? The way Carlos was reacting almost made his excuse in the shower room seem viable, as if he really _had_ been controlled by something.

They stood in silence for what felt like an eternity longer. Nobody wanted to talk, and none of them wanted to be the first to start inputting the X passes. It was as if they were all holding onto some last tiny fragment of hope, some last chance that everyone was still alive and if they just didn’t put the passes in, they’d all come jumping out from behind the couch and surprise them. Of course, that would never happen.

It was Carlos who eventually moved- he seemed to have come to terms with what had happened, at least a little bit. He’d walked up to the input device and entered all but the last, only then turning to look at Aoi and Junpei.

“..are you guys ready?”

Aoi and Junpei only nodded, and Carlos hit the enter button. The effect was immediate- the lights on the door began to flash, and it slowly creaked open. Junpei stared in disbelief at the hallway before him, before shaking it off and starting in.

“It really opened… okay, hurry guys. It’s going to close right away.”

Carlos and Aoi both gave him confirmation, and he could hear them following along behind- but then suddenly, one set of footsteps stopped. Junpei and Aoi turned back to look, but Carlos had turned around and was standing on the other side of the X door.

“Carlos? Carlos, what the hell are you doing?”

“I.. I can’t leave with you guys.”

“What?”

“I made a promise in another history that I’d definitely save you guys. So… see you later.”

“Carlos? _Carlos!”_

Junpei had turned around and ran for the door, but it was too late. It slammed down with finality, and only Aoi, Junpei, and Gab were left on this side.

Junpei felt completely and utterly empty.

“Carlos! Carlos, open this damn door! Get over here! I don’t care about the other histories, what about _this one?!”_

Junpei knew it was fruitless- there was no way in hell Carlos could hear him, but that didn’t stop his assault on the door. He could feel Aoi’s look of disgust on the back of his neck, feel the disdain the other obviously had for him, but he didn’t flinch.

“Dammit… this wasn’t supposed to happen…”

“Oh yeah? What was, then?”

Junpei spun around, but there was no fight in his voice. He was defeated- he was empty.

“You were both supposed to get out of here… both of you, alive.”

Aoi didn’t respond, and they both walked forwards in silence. They came to the elevator platform pretty quickly, but Junpei couldn’t help but examine the surrounding area first. He was glad he had- because sitting in the open was a single knife, placed so deliberately that Junpei was certain Zero had left it for him. With a half-hearted grunt, he kicked it along the ground over to Aoi.

“There ya go- you hate me, right? Now’s your chance, nobody will ever have to know what happened.”

The look on Aoi’s face was indescribable, but the closest Junpei could associate it to was a mix of pure disgust and pity. It burned into him, and he felt like the look alone was enough to kill him.

“Is that seriously what you think I’d do?”

“I’m a murderer, Aoi. ‘ _So that innocent lives might be saved’-_ weren’t those your words a year ago? Snake, Clover, Akane- hell, even Ace. All of them were my fault. If I’d taken a different path, none of them would have died. And that doesn’t even begin to add those from my job, or everyone here-“

“That was Carlos. He pushed the button.”

“Do you really think he would’ve if I’d said nothing? Same with the vote at 13:30- I do what I can to get the results I want. That’s the sort of person I am, Aoi.”

“No, it’s not.”

“Then tell me, Aoi. Why do _you_ think I’d want so desperately for Carlos to push the button? Was it _really_ just to get us out of there? Can you honestly say, without a shadow of a doubt, that I’m not just a terrible person who wants to watch people die?”

He was trying to manipulate Aoi- redirect his anger, make sure that once Carlos was out, there was no way that Aoi could be mad at him. It looked like it was working, too- Aoi had picked up the knife, and his grip was so tight that Junpei wondered if he was going to shatter the handle.

“I’m a killer, Aoi. And I’ll probably kill again, just for the fuck of it. But please, tell me why-“

He was cut off when Aoi suddenly dashed forwards, slamming the butt of the knife into Junpei’s solar plexus. He dropped to his knees, unable to breath and grabbing his chest in pain. However, the second strike he’d been waiting for never came. He heard the sound of the knife being tossed to the side, and the elevator started upwards, with Aoi, Gab, _and_ Junpei on board. He looked up at Aoi with confusion, voice hardly more than a hoarse whisper.

“A-Aoi… wh-what’re you…”

His face was without emotion, staring upwards as they rose.

“If you’re really what you say you are, then you can live with the guilt of it for the rest of your life. I’m not letting you off easy, Junpei.”

No, that’s not what Junpei wanted- he didn’t want an easy out, he wanted Aoi to have closure. Once they got help, Carlos would be freed, so then both of them could be happier- what was so wrong about that? Why couldn’t Aoi just let him be used for the one _possible_ thing that Junpei could do to help?

“Y-you’re… an idiot…”

Aoi just sighed, and continued to look upwards. Once they’d reached the surface he’d radioed Control about everything that had happened, and walked away- Junpei was certain Aoi had people waiting for him. He’d be safe, Junpei knew that. Junpei, on the other hand, didn’t move from his location. His breathing had long since returned to normal, but there was no reason to move- everything was wrong. Aoi was supposed to hate him enough to kill him, not _spare_ him. He was supposed to have given Aoi closure, revenge for everything that had gone wrong, but now Aoi was gone forever. Carlos was supposed to have pushed the blame onto Junpei, he was supposed to deflect it all and let Junpei be the reason everything had gone wrong, but he hadn’t and now he was stuck back inside of the facility.

He wasn’t sure how long it was before the rescue teams arrived, but everything was blurry. He wasn’t injured, outside of the bruise on his knee and the wound in his arm- and seeing as even that had somehow miraculously not re-opened, the medical teams only gave him a quick check before he was let go. They’d wrapped him in a blanket and sat him down inside the van- they wouldn’t be leaving until Carlos had gotten out.

Carlos… Junpei couldn’t stop thinking about him. Why had he gone back? What could have happened on another timeline that was so important for Carlos to remember? Or was it possible… was it possible that the Carlos he’d seen… had SHIFTed? He knew about SHIFT, and it terrified him. He’d been told that the nightmares and the dissociating was a lesser version of SHIFT, ‘spectating’ as it was called, and that SHIFT was supposed to be ‘safer’ than spectating, but Junpei didn’t believe it. His mind already had a hard enough time rooting itself to one timeline, so what would happen if he tried to jump between them? More likely than not, he’d just be lost forever.

The very idea was horrifying.

It was different than death- in death, he’d found, you simply stop. There’s pain, but then it all fades away and you’re left with nothing. Before long you’re not even _you_ \- you’ve dissolved into the afterlife with no proof your mind ever existed. Being lost would be the exact opposite- you exist, and you _know_ you exist, but there’s no place for you to go. You’re trapped on the morphogenetic field, and you exist on every timeline at once, but you can’t move or talk or interact- you’re less than nothing, but also more than it.

He was lost in thoughts, too deep to register what was going on anywhere else, when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and looked up- and there was Carlos. Had that much time really gone by?

“Junpei, are you alright? You don’t look too good…”

“I’m… fine.”

He wasn’t, and he knew it. And by the look on Carlos’s face, he knew it too.

“Alright, then… do you know where Aoi is?”

“He left. There’s no point in looking for him.”

Aoi was gone forever. Junpei was sure of it- there was no way he’d let himself be found by Junpei ever again, so Junpei wouldn’t even bother. Carlos sighed and took a seat beside Junpei, looking out the window.

“They said they’ll put us up in a hotel room tonight while everything gets sorted. They’ve already grabbed our stuff from Dcom…”

“What about Gab?”

“Well, he doesn’t really have anywhere to go, now that Q’s…”

“…I’ll take him, then.”

“R-really?”

“Yeah..”

Junpei didn’t know what Hazuki’s opinion on dogs was, but it was the least he could do. If he hadn’t told Carlos to push the button, then Q would still be alive… he owed as much to Gab.

“I’ll let them know, then. I’m sure he’ll be happy to have a place to go.”

Carlos got up and left for a moment, and came back with Gab- it seemed like the hotel was dog friendly, so he could stay with them. Gab climbed over the van seat to Junpei and sat on his lap- the dog had always taken a shine to him for some reason, he’d never figured out why. The old dog didn’t stir even when the van started up- neither Gab nor Junpei moved at all, the entire trip.

Once they arrived they were both given a room key; Carlos went straight to their shared room but Junpei stayed at the reception. It was late, but he couldn’t sleep now- the clerk at the desk told him they sold alcohol in the small restaurant area, and that was exactly what he needed. Well, calling it a ‘restaurant’ was being generous; it was little more than a mini-bar with some cheap food and chocolate bars, but it was enough. He quickly purchased two beers then walked to the room, praying that Carlos would be asleep already.

Unfortunately Carlos was still awake, however it didn’t look like he’d had noticed his entrance. He was petting Gab on one of the beds, so Junpei was able to slip into the bathroom and lock the door before Carlos realized he was there. Once inside he turned the shower on as hot as it would go, took the cap off the first beer, and got in without even bothering to take his clothes off.

“Junpei? Junpei, are you in there?”

Damn, Carlos must’ve heard the shower turn on. Junpei was hoping he could keep his voice level enough not to worry Carlos.

“I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, just go to sleep.”

“Junpei, you know I can’t do that. Please, unlock the door.”

“…..Sorry Carlos, but no.”

He buried his head in his knees, trying to focus on the sensation of scalding water hitting his skin- it wasn’t as bad as those fragments of the nightmare, the feeling of flesh being burned from your body- but it was at least something in penance for their lives.

“Junpei, please. Open this door.”

Carlos was audibly worried, and he had started rattling the doorknob. _‘Dammit, just go to sleep already. I’ll be fine. Go away.’_ It was pointless to think like that, considering there was no possible way Carlos would actually do as he wanted, but he could still hope.

“Junpei? Junpei, say something please.”

He refused.

“Junpei, I’m going to break open the door. Please make sure you’re out of the way.”

Again he said nothing, just staying there with his head in his knees. There were a couple of loud thumps before the door swung open- luckily it opened into the bathroom, so they’d avoided any major damage to the room itself. Carlos scanned the area with worry, and Junpei could hear a sigh of relief when he saw Junpei was still breathing. The places where exposed skin were being hit by the shower water were red- it was too hot, but he’d wanted that. If he was lucky, maybe some parts would leave lasting burns. He deserved as much, at least.

“Oh thank god… Junpei, please don’t scare me like that.”

“Scare you… why do you care?”

“Huh- why _wouldn’t_ I care?”

Junpei raised his head to stare at Carlos- why did he look so genuine? He should _despise_ Junpei!

“What are you- are you listening to yourself, Carlos? Who’s the one that told you to press the button? _Me_. You should hate me.”

“So this is _that_ history, then…”

It was little more than a whisper, but Junpei still heard it. It was confirmation, then- Carlos had indeed SHIFTed, and this wasn’t the Carlos that Junpei had been trapped in the bomb shelter with.

“Where’s the one I knew?”

“H-huh?”

“The other Carlos. You’re not the same, he wouldn’t have forgiven me.”

“Junpei… you’re wrong there. It doesn’t matter what timeline, I’m sure I’d forgive you. No matter _what_ you did. However… I couldn’t trade back with him. I think… I think he died.”

Oh, the irony of it all. Of the only two people in the world that he’d wanted to save, one was gone forever and the other was dead. All because of him, probably. He couldn’t help himself- he started laughing. It was just too much, all of this. None of this was right. Everything had gone wrong.

“Please, Junpei… you should get some rest. You need it. Things are going to be okay, we just need some time-“

“Shut up.”

“Huh?”

“ **Shut _up!”_**

His laughter stopped and the sound of breaking glass echoed through the bathroom- he hadn’t even realized he’d still been holding the bottle of beer, and when he’d moved he’d ended up smashing the bottom of it against the shower wall with enough force to shatter it. Glass ricocheted against the wall and flew back at him, leaving cuts and nicks, but all he could feel was the pain of the glass in his hand- the bottle neck had broken, leaving fragments in his fist. Carlos looked like he was going to speak, but Junpei didn’t let him.

“You don’t know _anything!_ All of this, all of it! It was all _pointless!_ Everyone’s dead but me and Aoi, and you’re telling me things will be _okay?I just wanted **one** thing to go well. Just one.”_

“Junpei…”

“ _I SAID SHUT UP!”_

His body moved before he’d even realized what he was doing- he’d thrown one of the pieces of glass and it has caught Carlos in the chest, causing a small stream of blood to spill out. Junpei felt the blood drain from his face.

“C-Carlos, I-I…”

Carlos didn’t seem too bothered by it- The cut was shallow, and he set the broken shard of glass aside with a small, sad smile.

“Don’t worry about it Junpei, I’m fine. But, we should get you looked at…”

Carlos was speaking to him, but Junpei could only see the blood, pooling on the floor. Why was there so much? The cut had been shallow, there was no way there was enough to pool up like that- Wait, who was the behind Carlos? He blinked a couple of times, and when it came into focus, he felt his breathing stop for a second.

“C-Clover…. Clover, who… who did that to you?”

Carlos was saying something, but Junpei couldn’t hear it. He shrugged off the rest of the fragments of broken glass onto the floor and climbed out of the tub, walking directly past Carlos to kneel in front of Clover’s body. If there wasn’t so much blood, then it would’ve seemed like she was sleeping.

He felt a hand on his shoulder, and he spun around. It was Carlos- no, was that Ace? What was he doing here? Junpei remembered the knife, he remembered how Ace had killed everyone on the ship at one point- he had to get away. The cuts on his hand felt like they were burning- Ace had already gotten him once, he wouldn’t miss this time... Junpei ran out of the bathroom and threw himself down behind one of the beds- he couldn’t go into the hallway, the ninth man was out there. He never wanted to see that mangled corpse again as long as he lived… He heard someone come out from the bathroom- it had to be Ace. _Why is he here? How is he here?_ Junpei didn’t know, he only pressed his back against the wall and moved his hand up to his mouth, ignoring the taste of blood and praying his hand could stifle the sounds of his breathing.

His back was hot- why was he so hot? Oh god, oh god, he was inside the incinerator again… he could feel the heat through the door, he could hear Ace’s screams of agony and he watched as Snake simply accepted his fate, mangled body lying in a pool of his own blood- _this isn’t fair, why Snake? What did he do wrong?! Why him?!_

His breathing was getting faster, more panicked. He needed to find Akane. Where are you, where are you _, I need to save Akane-_ But then someone was squeezing his wrists, and talking to him. His wrists- where was the bracelet? He looked down, expecting it to be there, for the sensation to be an illusion, but no. The hands were real, he was here, there was no bracelet. Slowly, he began to calm down, and finally he could make out the voice. It was Carlos, and he’d pulled Junpei forwards slightly; only now could Junpei see that his back had been pressed up against the heater in the room. That was probably going to leave a mark…

“Junpei, can you hear me? Please, nod if you can.”

He gave a shallow nod, and Carlos sighed in relief. He sounded so worried- Carlos really was too nice for his own good… or maybe he’d just been scared. Junpei figured fear had to be a natural reaction after seeing something like that, watching Junpei hallucinate that badly. Things hadn’t been that bad for a long time, but he figured the stress must have broken him. Everything had just built up, higher and higher, until there was nothing left to support it.

“Can you show me your hand? I want to take a look at it.”

Junpei nodded again, and limply held out his bleeding hand. Carlos took it into his own hands and started examining it, before opening the first aid kit he must have brought over while Junpei was still out of it.

“They don’t look too bad, but you should still probably get a doctor to take a look at them… I know first aid, but I’m no surgeon.”

That appeared to be Carlos’s disclaimer before he began dressing and wrapping the wound, with expert familiarity. If he’d been a firefighter for ten years now, then he had to have dealt with a lot of injuries… this was probably no different to him.

“Carlos… why are you being nice to me.”

Carlos didn’t look up from his work, only gave a soft hum as he thought about the question.

“Well, it’s because I care about you. You’re my friend, after all.”

“…You’ve got bad taste in friends, then.”

“Nah, I like to think I’ve got pretty good taste.”

“Heh… looks like you’re just an idiot, then.”

“Maybe I am.”

He finished up and released Junpei’s hand, but started scanning the rest of his body for more cuts- there were plenty, thanks to the glass. Carlos looked like he wanted to search more, but Junpei shook his head and stopped him.

“You first- how’s your chest.”

“Oh, that? Don’t worry, it’s already stopped bleeding.”

There was a patch of blood on his shirt, but Junpei could indeed see it was already starting to dry. The stain wasn’t very big either- Junpei had been damn lucky, or he could have actually hurt Carlos- or worse.

“I… I’m sorry…”

“You don’t need to apologize. You were upset, things happen.”

“No, it’s not just that. I… Carlos, I _knew_.”

“Huh? What do you mean?”

“I mean I _knew_. I knew a game was going to happen, but I didn’t tell anyone. I… well, you saw _that_ , right? And you remember how I had that nightmare, the first night at Dcom?”

Carlos nodded, but Junpei couldn’t look at him. He was scared- scared of Carlos’s eyes. He didn’t want to see the same disappointment he’d seen from Aoi.

“Sometimes when I dream, my mind… it moves. They called it ‘spectating’, but it’s essentially similar to SHIFT: my mind watches other timelines, or other points on this timeline. Normally when I wake up, I forget everything, but sometimes if the feeling is strong enough, I’ll remember- and every day we were in Dcom, I woke up with the exact same sensation: the bracelet strapped to my wrist, and the feeling that everyone there was going to die. I didn’t say anything because I figured it was pointless, but maybe- maybe if I’d just said _something_ , then…”

“Junpei…” Carlos looked like he didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t the same Carlos that Junpei knew, and yet he _was_ the same Carlos that he knew. It was… weird. “You can’t blame yourself for the game happening- nothing you could have said would’ve stopped it. Hell, Phi, Aoi, and Sigma- they all joined the experiment _knowing_ the danger involved. If there was a way to stop the game, don’t you think they would’ve figured it out?”

Junpei sighed- he knew that Carlos was right, but that didn’t change the guilt.

“I know that it hurts. It’s unfair- none of this is fair. But, please, don’t give up. It’s still too soon to give up.”

Oh, so _that’s_ what this was. Junpei gave a short laugh, but there was no humor in it. He wasn’t sure why, but for some reason he felt… sad.

“You don’t need to worry about that, Carlos. If I killed myself, Nona and Ennea’d resurrect me just so they could beat the shit out of me, and Hazuki would probably help. I… I wouldn’t do that to them.”

There’d crossed a point where he’d realized that they too were on the very short list of people he actually cared about in the world. Dying- that was one thing. If he was killed, then yeah they’d be hurt, but he wasn’t at fault. He could forgive himself for getting killed. But killing himself…? There’d been a point where he’d realized he didn’t want to put that pain onto them.

“That’s not it- Junpei, _I’d_ be sad too. I.. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

Carlos had looked away, but Junpei caught the embarrassed smile on his face. It even looked like his cheeks were red- his first instinct was that maybe his cut had gotten infected already, and Carlos had a fever, but that was stupid. No, far more likely was that he was embarrassed; it was probably awkward for Carlos to tell that to a friend.

Friend… yeah, Junpei figured they were probably friends by this point. He’d already seen the worst that Junpei had to offer, and he wasn’t walking out the door or ignoring him; so that had to mean _something_ good.

“Thanks, Carlos…”

He stood up- his body was aching from various injuries, but he was damn tired now and he couldn’t do anything when he was still soaking wet. He grabbed his bag and headed back to the bathroom, but Carlos stopped him.

“Wait, there might still be glass on the floor- you could hurt your feet. I’ll go out into the hallway, you can get changed. Just, uh, let me back in when you’re done, okay?”

Junpei nodded, chuckling a bit. He could’ve sworn he’d seen another faint pink dusting on Carlos’s cheeks, but he ignored it- that was probably just a trick of the light. Getting changed was quick, and he hung his clothes off the bathroom door for the time being to dry off, before opening the door to the room to let Carlos back in. He then dropped himself down onto the bed he’d seen Carlos hadn’t claimed earlier, lying spread out on his back and staring up at the ceiling. Carlos went to the bathroom first, presumably to clean up the shattered glass, which left Junpei mostly alone. Gab was seated on the other bed, and he’d started whining- he must’ve been too old to make the jump down.

He shook his head with a soft smile, picking Gab up and carrying him over to Junpei’s own bed. The old dog curled up contentedly within seconds, and Junpei couldn’t help but start petting him.

“Good boy, Gab… good boy.”

“Comfortable?”

“Wh-what?!”

Carlos was standing beside his bed, an amused smile on his face.

“I forgot, we don’t have any brooms in here. I’ll have to grab one in the morning, but for now I think it’s best we go to sleep.”

“R-right. Night, Carlos.”

“G’night.”

Despite how tired he was, and how much he _wanted_ to sleep, Junpei found he just couldn’t. He stayed silent, waiting for Carlos’s breathing to even out, before finally sitting up again. He didn’t know why he was awake still, to be fully honest. By all means it should have been easy to sleep, but something still felt… off. What, he had no idea, but _something_ was off.

‘ _Okay Junpei, just think about it. Something’s different, but what?’_

He took a look around the room- was it because Gab and Carlos were there? No, he’d shared a room with Carlos for the entirety of the Dcom experiment, so that couldn’t be it. Maybe it was his body? Well yeah, the cuts, bruises, and burns all hurt like hell by now, that wasn’t quite it either. Could it be his mind, then? Was there something on his mind, something bothering him outside of his usual problems?

He continued to think, but no matter how long he spent, nothing came to mind. He couldn’t think of anything new that was bothering him, no matter how hard he tried- but wait, that was just it. It wasn’t that there was something _new_ , it was something old. He’d gotten closure with Aoi: sure, it was about the worst possible ending, but it was still an ending. It hurt worse to think about than any of his cuts, but… there was something else to it. A calmness, a feeling of ‘oh, so that’s what would’ve happened.’ It was still going to bother him for a long time, he was sure of it, but it was still better than before. He knew what Aoi thought of him, it was no longer just guesses made up by a worried mind.

That alone was enough to make him feel different, but then there was also the matter of Carlos. This Carlos wasn’t the same Carlos, but he’d seemed like he knew what happened in this timeline. He’d told Junpei that regardless of timeline, he would have forgiven him, and despite everything Junpei found that he believed him. It had been a patronizing nickname at first, but ‘Hero of Justice’ really did suit him- not just because of his job, but because of who he was as a person. Junpei was smiling in spite of himself, and he turned to look at Carlos- still sleeping soundly, not a care in the world.

It was amusing, really. This was technically the worst ending, in his opinion; six of them were dead and Aoi was gone forever. And yet, even though everything should have been awful, he felt strangely at peace. Maybe he’d just spent all his energy on the earlier breakdown, or maybe he was alright with how things had ended here; for now there was no way to tell. However, this introspection had finally allowed for his brain to calm down again, and this time he felt like he could actually sleep.

“Sleep well…”

It was whispered as not to wake Carlos, but it was meant just as much for himself as it was for the other boy. Junpei had a feeling that this would be the first time he’d slept well in a long, long time…

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this one was a long one! And also quite possibly my favorite from the entire series so far, as well. I've actually had this entire fragment more or less planned out since I first started writing this AU, including the ending stuff. In every ZE game I've always wanted to see more of what happens after the other characters escape, so I took this opportunity to make it happen. As well, about the knife- when mira got knocked out, a sean-bot placed it out front for junpei.
> 
> I'm not sure which fragment will come next- i'm debating between a few, but I'm in a position now where chances are these will take longer to write because I've got to go through the other teams as well in the game, for the story locks. There's also the matter of the fragment(s) where Junpei isn't there- however, I do have a plan. I won't be writing Carlos's pov at all in this series because I don't want there to be overlap with the clone au, however Aoi is free for the writing...
> 
> About Carlos, the timeline he jumped in from will be covered later, and why he couldn't jump back. There's also a slim chance i may do a drabble or something for more post-ending stuff, i wouldn't post it in the series tag though. It'd probably just be a possibly lowkey shippy thing with carlos and junpei, and that's if i even decide to write it. Carlos has been crushing on Junpei since the experiment started, but Junpei never realized it and Carlos is too embarrassed to actually tell Junpei about it.
> 
> edit: the post-ending drabble has been posted here (http://archiveofourown.org/works/10503081/chapters/23174271), and it's just as lowkey fluffy as i thought it would turn out.


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